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legomummy

Building a family one brick at a time

Month

January 2016

Hair gone!

It’s done! I did it! Big thanks to my beautiful stylist Jade at Silver Salon Gladstone for doing the deed with such care and kindness. The salon have donated the cost of my cut to my cause so I’m extra grateful for their generosity. 
There’s still time to donate if you wish to- https://www.justgiving.com/Susie-Parkes-hair/

Here’s the before…

    
The actual moment!!   
And the result! 

    
  Thank you everyone for your incredible support. It was a massive thing for me-despite probably being rather insignificant in the world today. But I’ve raised lots of money for Parkinson’s which I’m delighted about, and some kids will hopefully find a smile through getting a wonderful wig made with some of my hair. 

Now back to Mummydom! 

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Hair going!

Live blogging from the chair. Can you see the fear?  

   

Hair today

I have lots of hair. On my head I mean. Like tons-I reckon about 3 people’s worth. Plus I hate the hairdressers so I don’t go much. I hate those uncomfortable sinks they wash your hair in, and it feels horribly awkward as I watch them trying desperately to get a comb through my crazy wet hair-I never approach the beast with anything other than a brush. 

This means I have very long, very thick hair. I’ve always been known for it, and have felt it an integral part of my identity for a very long time. Recently however, I’ve been questioning quite a lot of my old ‘norms’ and discovering the art of liberating myself from them to step into pastures new. 

I started thinking about hair and the impact it has in our society – it’s a huge industry and allows for fantastic creativity and artistry. I love that. But equally it can be a source of misery if you lose it unexpectedly. This made me really think about my hair, how fortunate I am, and how it’s time I did something positive with it. 

So I’ve been looking into what good I can do with a bit of hair. It seems because I’ve been so lazy and not cut it (or coloured it) for about 100 years, it could be pretty useful for the amazing wig makers who make wigs for people suffering with cancer or other issues that cause hair loss. So I’m mustering up the courage to chop it and donate it. Part of me is terrified, the other part is excited. It’s only f**king hair! I tell myself. But that bizarrely doesn’t make the prospect any less scary. 

Isn’t it funny how such a trivial thing can have such an impact on you? I thought I had reasonable perspective in life, given a few shitty things that have happened, but I don’t think I’m quite there yet. So here is another challenge, a very personal one, but a challenge no less. 

If you’ve got this far on this ridiculous post, I thank you. Here’s the before picture so you get an idea. 

  
I’ve also decided to try and raise a little bit of money to do a bit more good for a charity that’s newly close to my heart, so if you have a spare pound or dollar please give me that extra push to do it.

https://www.justgiving.com/Susie-Parkes-hair/

Standby for the after pic…

Why I don’t give a shit anymore

I used to care what people thought of me. It used to bother me if people liked me, or if they thought I looked nice, thought I was a nice person or worthy of their attention. I worried about people’s perception of me-tailoring my reactions and actions to try and second guess their thoughts. How draining.

And then I grew the fuck up. It took a while, and it’s a process I’m confident we all go through-some quicker than others. I’m jealous of the fast-trackers. I guess I must credit my children with my new found ‘not giving a shit-ness’, I just don’t have the time or energy to waste or care. And this is a good thing. Let me tell you why…

I feel liberated

I feel confident

I feel beautiful 

I feel strong

And all these things allow me to assess my priorities. Kids polarise everything – it all became starkly clear when I had my babies. 

My children look at me like no other can. Unconditional total dependency. They don’t give a shit if I’m wearing make up. They also don’t care how many friends I have or what brand of clothes or shoes I’m wearing. I surrendered my body to them whilst pregnant – that was huge for me -and I’ve given my life to them now. That’s pretty all encompassing. I never thought I’d feel this way and I love it. I love that I have such strong feelings for my children – I genuinely would die for them. 100%. They drive me absolutely mental some days, and I may occasionally mention sending them back, but if someone tried to hurt them, believe me balls would be busted or whatever necessary. Do not mess with my kids. 

Now the question of beauty is an interesting one. I was -what you might call- a late bloomer. I ‘blossomed’ as one family friend described (*vomit*)-I put that down to getting control of my mental hair, and discovering the art of make up. Now I feel that was a misguided notion. Not to say that a bit of war paint doesn’t assist in helping me feel my ‘warriorness’ occasionally, but it’s not my priority right now. 

Despite rarely wearing makeup (my 21 year old self would be shrieking in horror at that revelation) -I actually forget to look in the mirror often and don’t care that I don’t. I’m not exactly wowing in the fashion stakes either these days (I got by before, was never a catwalk model but I chose my outfits quite carefully), and ironically I have more confidence and inner strength than ever before. That’s where the beauty lies. I guess it about getting to know yourself. I’m an honest person. Too honest I know at times-got me into all kinds of trouble in my earlier years. But it does mean I have few (not none lol) demons now-great stories, and some regrets, but I don’t feel haunted by unfinished business or truth/lies untold. I am comfortable in myself now-and I never thought I’d be able to say that. In fact I’m surprising myself that I’m writing it. 

I have self discipline-and I believe this contributes a huge part of my self belief. If I say I’m going to do something-and it’s usually only to myself, I will do it. I sowed the seeds of this in 2011 when I ran the London marathon, maybe even several years earlier when I woke up one day and thought about going traveling around the world-once I’d had the thought, I couldn’t go back-the fear of regret made me find the confidence to go. 

I love a challenge and am always looking for the next one. I also have had to accept how much harder they are now with kids, but that doesn’t dampen my resolve, just makes me test my patience alongside my self discipline. I’ve had to reassess EVERYTHING. Nothing is as it was, my battles now are so different to 3, 5, 10 years ago. The last one was ‘lose the baby weight’-tick, done that, now it is to get strong, really strong and stay healthy. That’s my priority so I can take care of my boys. I have so much more appreciation of health and strength now-I find myself not putting something off til tomorrow if I know I’m capable of doing it today. The lazy version of me is happily ebbing away. 

In a letter to my 15 year old self, I’d probably tell me one thing:-

It will all be ok in the end-just believe in yourself. 

I don’t think you can preach to a teenager, or get them to understand the changes you go through, or show them how to leapfrog the shit you had to struggle through to get to a more confident place. I think you just have to help them believe it will be ok. 

Good times, bad times, happy, crappy-just be good (as much as you can), be kind-PLEASE be kind-to yourself, others and the environment, and be honest. The bad times highlight the good ones-they go hand in hand. If you don’t know how it feels to feel like a sack of shit on a shitheap covered in shit, how will you ever know what it really feels like to finish a marathon-against the odds? Stop giving a shit what others think and have a go, I guarantee you’ll surprise yourself. 

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